Chapter One:Pain

A/n: I wrote this thinking of a one-shot, but a plot formed in my head that was too good to forget.

WARNINGS: set after last Children of Earth, though a little AU, because I haven’t finished watching episode four and five. ^^

Some chapters will be weirdly line breaked, and others won’t because some of these I originally wrote in my iPod notes, and others will be originally written in the office word doc. so sorry if it disturbs you, I’ll try to find the time when I’m done with the entire fiction to edit it.

First six chapters written and working on others. (Today is 4/2/10) Will post one chapter every two weeks so that if writer’s block hits, I’ll have plenty of time to get over it and start working. TAKS (Texas Assessment Of Knowledge And Skills) testing is soon, so I might not get the chance to post during late April and early May, then again during finals around late May and early June.

The rest of the Chapters will have footnotes at the top of the page, telling you what I was attempting to say at times, general background and extra information about the characters, and stuff like that. Needless to say, I will be doing a lot of editing in little amount of time. (I also spell and grammar check myself at the very least five times, plus the spell check on word and the edit thingy on this site.) So I might not have the chapter out on time, considering the amount of homework I have in a week. (Those teachers honestly do not think that I have a social life-that I have time to do five hours of homework everyday is ridiculous, but lucky you, I’m an insomniac.) So please excuse my tardiness.

Disclaimer: Torchwood isn’t mine. If it were, everyone would be alive. (Or in some form of living, as Owen’s predicament is pretty awesomely written.)

Pain (ch.1)

Pain. All there is is pain in the world. Pain and darkness are the
objects to which the shadows follow, and shadows are even worse.
Everybody leaves and it’s like I’m being chopped into thousands of
pieces and more than that because it’s happened before.

Pain is my lovers’ corpse, who lies in my arms. I’ve felt pain and
pain and always pain. There is no light in this tunnel; the window
doesn’t open as the door closes. I feel the same pain over and over
again and I will always feel that pain for this eternity and the next
and the next…. What comes after forever? I hope it is death that
comes after, because I’m reaching out for it’s touch, but in time even
death leaves as they all do.

I’ve been cursed with this illness, I’m a cancer that is eating up
time like it’s nothing, and I will always do this.

I woo time and time again, because I’m so desperate to have something
warm to lie beside me in my cold winter. I’m pathetic, and I do
nothing but break, I’m the glass that slips and falls but seems to
never leave. If a cat has nine lives how many do I have?

I look at my empty home, where I know has to house many to protect
this human kingdom, but I’m so afraid of letting them in, because they
all leave.

How many times have I committed suicide? I’ve lost count. The pain of death
is so real, I sometimes wish that I could relish in it, that I could
lose myself in it. But this cursed body of mine will not allow it.

Where is my soul? Did it die with me the first time, or does it still
travel with me today? Am I a soulless man? Or am I nothing but a repeated
jungle of memories staying intact with my brain?

What reason do I have to carry on? I should just burry myself by my
daughters’ grave, in a concrete cell, this time for good because Ianto
isn’t here to save me. My heart still pulses nothing but pain into my
limbs, but I have to carry the burden of the worlds’ mistakes on my
shoulders. I have to let Torchwood live, because it is the only thing
this world has left. I am selfish for even thinking about leaving this
world alone, defenseless, like a scared lonely child left in the dark
to rot.

Gwen will help me heal, and even if it takes a million of my lives, I
will see to her safety, and the safety of her unborn child. As a
friend, she deserves that much. She will die of natural causes, and
only when she is ready. But for now, we must find more of our
brethren, the next Torchwood officials…