Shocked Speechless (ch.11)
Tegan. Tegan. Her name is Tegan. Why does that name sound so familiar?!?!?!?!
I couldn’t stay here. I love Gwen, I really do, but I can’t stay here. I have to go back to the hub—I have to find out where I’d heard her name before!!!
I made a quick exit through the door that Rhys had come through, without looking at his face. I couldn’t bear to see those eyes again. They were the reflection of that day—I can’t think about this! I have to get back to the hub; I have to follow up on her—Tegan.
The passing down the stairs was fast, and went by in a hazy blur. The only thing I can tell you about the time between seeing Rhys upstairs and sitting in the car is that I didn’t pass her. I might have passed other people—a stranger’s face here or there. They were all blurred together, their significance to me so unimportant; nonexistent. And all I could think about on my way to the car was Tegan. Why did she keep showing up? Granted, Cardiff isn’t exactly New-New-Manhattan, but it’s no small village either. And why would she run from the hospital like that? Is she in some type of trouble? How could she get past the hub’s defenses, and when they were on high sensitivity too?! Who is Tegan? I’ll have to look through the hospital records, too. I don’t know her last name. For now, I’ll scan the system for ‘Tegan’, as it isn’t exactly a common name anyway. That’ll narrow the search, and then I’ll cross-reference it with the hospital records.
I nodded at my plan and started the car. I didn’t move yet—couldn’t. My breath was shallow and heaving, and it felt as if the world was crashing around me. It felt like nothing I’d ever felt before, not even the time the Ranchos had suffocated me on ‘accident’. My vision was blurred and the purr of the engine reverberated against my ears, mixing with the sound of my heart pulsing unpleasantly. I felt the crash of four hundred and thirty-seven heartbreaks, one for every person I’ve lost. I really shouldn’t leave Gwen here alone. She has Rhys, but he’s hardly help. What if something were to happen.
I looked out my windshield towards the blood-red doors of the staircase, and the thought of going back up there, with that smell of bleach and babies crying and mother’s screaming and doctors shouting, made my stomach qualified for the gymnast Olympics. I pulled out of park. Gwen will be fine. I shifted into reverse. Rhys will take care of her. I checked my mirrors again. The doctors are there, and she has that phone of hers to tell me if something’s wrong. I slowly pressed my foot against the pedal. The alarms would go off if there were any rift or alien activity. This metal box I’m encased in backed out of the parking garage, onto the road and took me far away.
Be safe, Gwen.
—
Hours after I’d given birth I wasn’t tired. I knew what happened—Rhys told me. My nurse is still in med school so she could be a doctor. She has a computer with her. Jack had left without telling anyone. I knew he would go to the hub. He would search her name in the database.
And I couldn’t let that happen.
I couldn’t let him take over this case. It’s the only think exciting that’s happened in months, besides a weavel here and there, and even then I couldn’t have fun because I’m stuck here being pregnant.
I needed this case. I really, really did.
I smiled sweetly at my nurse, who was sitting at the table in my room, snacking on her lunch—she’d decided to study in my room on her lunch break, the angel—working diligently on her laptop. Her brown eyes met mine and sparkled with the smile she gave me in return.
‘Claire? Could I please barrow your laptop? I just remembered something about a case that I’m working on—it’s important.’ She’d known that I’m a “police” woman, so she understood what I meant about “case”—or at least she thought she did.
She smiled fully and warmly at me, mumbling a ‘Yes,’ around her peanut butter banana sandwich and saving her work, bringing it to me.
I smiled at her once again, though this time I think it wasn’t as sincere—not that the others were, this one was just rushed as I logged onto the network heatedly. Jack, please let there be traffic, please be sluggish, please don’t have already seen it.
Tegan Farrow. Her entire existence is in this file. There is some paper beside me. I copied it hand-written—Jack would find it if I emailed it to myself.
Tegan Erin Farrow.
Height: 5’6’’
Weight: 121.5
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Silver
Occupation: Science Fiction Novelist
Residence: 7th Oakwood Grove, apartment 1B
Goodbye, Tegan Erin Farrow.
[Delete]
—
I arrived at the Torchwood base two hours later; being that there was traffic. I rushed inside, opening the door and trying hard not to look at the coffeepot. I ran to the computer, and logged into the system.
Tegan
The system’s motherboard hummed a nice hum and I waited, getting a cup of tea. Before I could get too into the relaxation of this familiar place, a slight beeping caught my attention. I looked to the screen—
I couldn’t believe it.
Tegan’s file was there. It was there. I jumped up, but before I could get close enough to read it, the file just… Just… Disappeared. I couldn’t believe it. How?!?!?! My grin had dropped from my face and I frowned. No—It couldn’t!
Someone had logged on and deleted her file from the system.
And there’s only one other person that can do that.
Why would she do that? Why would she delete her from the system? She’s supposed to be asleep—after all, delivering a child can be tiring. Why would she do that? It’s not as if she knew I was interested in Tegan—I hadn’t had the chance to tell her that yet. Why is she doing this? Has she gone rouge? I froze. No, no it couldn’t be that. Gwen would never—I can’t think that! She’s the only person I have left.
I walked over to my office, down through my personal headquarters and into my bedroom. I stood there, face facing the bed, my eyes suddenly pouring fountains. This was so much—I couldn’t stand this. Gwen would be fine at the hospital alone—she could handle herself. If anything, she’s proven that to me today. I couldn’t think—about anything, not anymore. My brain was a haze, my eyes stinging and pouring out liquid heat, burning my cheeks. I remember when I would have a bad day before. I would come home, I would lay down in my bed, naked and in a pool of lavender sheets, slipping into nothingness until He came, like an angel, my beloved. He would caress away my silent worries and sooth my soul until I was a puddle of unidentifiable goo.
The tears came down harder now and I ripped off my antique war coat, my shirt and trousers following until I stood, naked. I fell backwards, my back meeting the mattress with a reassuring thud. I laid there, sadness and worry and depression and pain engulfing me. There were no thoughts, no motions excluding the heaving of my chest, no sound except the sobs that drifted throughout the room and the insistent patter of the rain outside.
There was nothing but pain, and then that slowly faded into my dark restless sleep, filled with nightmares of so many creatures.
The last thing that passed through my mind before I fell into a dreamless sleep was two solitary words.
Goodbye, Tegan.
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